We just stumbled upon a Chinese website calling itself Pleasure Chest and we couldn’t resist poking around to see what’s on offer. Now we can share our findings with you. Or, to echo the immortal words of the company’s about page, “Join us, Let’s achieve the mutual benefits from this moment.” Here are our favorite curiosities sold by our Chinese namesake.
1. "Eyelash" cockring
This cockring is supposedly made from “eyelash.” Since it does not vibrate, they’ve helpfully listed “by hand” next to the type of batteries it takes. We’re a bit mystified as to why anyone would want a cockring made of eyelashes, and we’re afraid to ask how the materials have been sourced. Also, we are too horrified to post the photo of the “cow eyelash” cockring.
2. "Teaser" hand-shaped vibrator
This hand-shaped vibrator is called Teaser. The website helpfully informs us that “The device is mainly used to rub at female pudendum (or other sensitive parts).” But in a flourish worthy of a David Cronenberg film, the copywriter suggests that the toy is meant as a tongue/hand hybrid.
“It imitates human tongue,sexy,soft and flexible,which can bring more vibration than real tongue.It is made of organosilicon resin and soft enough to be bent easily.Taste buds are fully covered on the hand,and which will add more rubbing orgasm.”
It’s your basic vibrating taste bud-covered hand for rubbing the pudendum. Where do we sign up?
3. "Perfect" Masturbation Cup
Does this “Perfect” Masturbation cup look familiar? Well, it ought to, because it’s a near perfect knockoff of the famous Tenga masturbation sleeve. The design is nearly identical, and it’s not the only Tenga-ish product our Chinese competitor carries. They’ve also got some sleeves that remind us of the Fleshlight product line, including this “anus flashlight.”
4. "Dildo Vibrator" sex machine
This puzzling sex machine comes with an AC power cord and a wireless remote control. We’re not exactly sure how one is supposed to mount this contraption, but it looks perilous. The company also sells another sex machine which looks handy for carrying your old 45 record collection around in. That is, if you don’t mind a side-mounted dildo on the box.
5. Sexy Men's Wear
Pleasure Chest China also sells lingerie. Their splash page touts, “If you wanna become a sexy woman, please come in now!” But it’s the men’s lingerie that truly impresses. This strappy red number is great for showing off your basket, but for sheer WTF design, we love the crisscrossing pattern on the white panty pictured above.
6. Hentai Masturbation Sleeve
If you love anime and manga, especially the XXX genre known as “hentai,” then you’re probably already lusting after this masturbation sleeve. It’s a few degrees removed in perversity from the downright cute Hello Kitty vibrator that we sell.
7. Beaded Cockring
Yup, as far as we can tell, those are just Mardi Gras beads sold as a cockring.
8. Chef Vibrator
There are many wonderful vibrators on this site. The splash page shows a number of vegetable-shaped vibrators, from eggplant to corn, that we would love to try out. It’s the anthropomorphic vibes, however, that are the most entertaining. This mustachioed chef is our favorite, but the cowboy and the nurse are also adorable.
How can you order from the Chinese Pleasure Chest? Their minimalist FAQ is a tad frustrating. A sampling:
Q: What’s the MOQ?
A: we always don’t have moq,
Q: Can you accept drop ship?
A: NO,we can .
Intriguing!
We suppose we could launch a full investigation into this odd company with its familiar name and truly strange toys. But that would ruin the mystery. Can we explain this website and its odd wares? No, we can!
